Everywhere you turn you get minimal to zero help. Why does it seem no one is pitching in when you feel like you are drowning? You may be the mom that lacks any understanding of how to BE MOM. You feel your shortcomings are so great….
“How did I get here? I don’t know what to do with this child or with this house. I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
Or maybe you do know who you are but are frustrated with your lack of time for yourself. If you are working you may be frustrated with your lack of time with your kids and your husband. You thought you’d be the Mary Poppins’ mom and you aren’t. Haha, maybe you didn’t think that, but you just aren’t what you want to be and don’t know where to turn to get real help.
Why didn’t you learn about this stuff before you got knee deep in? Why didn’t your friends, parents, neighbors, co-workers tell you what to expect and how to go about dealing?
There’s one popular view of why we don’t get help in motherhood. I mean, regular help – in ANY WAY consistent help. I LAUGH when people assume that when this comes up I’m talking about DAILY or WEEKLY help – in my home, let’s have tea and watch the kids play while you disperse decades of wisdom upon me (not to mention do my laundry before you leave). No…no no no no no…. that’s never been what I meant.
If you do get this type of help, wonderful! But honestly very little of my blog will be for you. If you don’t but think you should get this type of help, again I say, no. It is a pie in the sky notion because everyone has schedules and demands where they just can’t commit. And exhaustion, which gets to me pretty regularly. When I say consistent I mean there aren’t long periods (months, a year) when you are not receiving some support. However, months and years is the sad reality.
But I digress. Why (not what) is the focus here. And why don’t you get help… many people say “Until they experience it no one really knows what to do, no matter what they are told.” Many people think it is pointless to step in to help. They feel others have to stumble through, just as some say throw the kid in the water and they will learn how to swim. But what about those that truly begin to drown? This is anti-biblical. What about the older TEACH the younger? What about the TEACH them as you go? Why is it we don’t take the initiative?
Initiative isn’t taken because either someone feels greatly inadequate to input into someone else’s life (they feel their own shortcomings are so great) or they are simply busy.
Busy! The name of our culture is busy.
You wonder why older moms with empty nest, or SAHMs with kids that are in school, aren’t helping you. They are busy. As their child-centered world moves, other things move in. I’m not saying that they are always purposefully doing so. However, we all need to take time to help others. Even newer moms, moms-to-be or ladies that are not yet in the mom world –
we ALL need to look for times and situations where we can help.
If your time is limited, it doesn’t have to be time-consuming. Sometimes it is a word, a prayer, a card to let another mom know you are thinking of them. If you have more time/energy, you can give a gift, set up a playdate, make a meal (just because!), or go over their house to help with laundry not just to visit (but visiting all the while).
There are tons of ways we can help each other. And I’m not talking about DAILY or WEEKLY help – just be consistent. You might be surprised that you not only stop thinking so much of your own lack of help, but you may begin receiving more help in return. At the very least, you will be building relationships and that by itself will make you feel less alone and less burdened while you are figuring out how to become mom.