Perfectionism in motherhood is a continual. Some people are naturally perfectionists. Other people are lured into becoming perfectionists.
Facebook. Yes, I know you’ve heard it, but Facebook can be the worst place ever for mothers in particular. Pinterest comes in as a close second. Now there is Instagram and Snapchat. For me there is Youtube and blogs. You see these women doing amazing things or writing about amazing things but none of them tell you that it took them months to make that craft, or how many times they took the photo before all their kids would stop arguing, whining and just smile. You don’t see the behind the scenes of blogging and that these same women may not be applying their own advice to their own homes consistently.
These things create a haven for perfectionism in motherhood.
Let’s get off of it:
Life is not 100% jolly times for anyone.
Come on, put down the magazines and don’t believe your mom or aunts recall of motherhood is all there was. Perhaps they had easy-going kids and lots of help, perhaps they have forgotten the days of kids screaming and late night vomit clean-ups. If most of what they tell you does not include difficulty or hard-work they aren’t telling you the full story. This breeds perfectionism and discontentment with our own lives, about our own capabilities.
Wherever you are getting your information online or off, keep one thing in mind – You are not a perfect person and cannot create perfect children.
It’s great to have goals and priorities. You should, so you can travel along life and gain ground. But don’t let those goals and priorities push the normal limitations of your energy, capabilites and the capabilities of the immature little humans that you guide. I highlight immature to remind you that they cannot handle even the amount of things that you can.
My point: don’t spend your time trying to do what you see! Don’t spend your time watching.
Life is going on.
It is overwhelming sometimes and just trying to get the right focus takes days, weeks, months. It’s not very easy but you gotta block out what’s going on for others. You just gotta let it go. And even in blocking out others there is trouble because then you can start to feel alone in the journey. Remember to take time with your kids, husband and family. Take time to talk to friends but not to absorb how they are ‘doing it’ when it comes to motherhood.
While you are getting it together, your own plans and purposes for your family, sometimes you just gotta step back and do more thinking than doing.
If you can stop and look at the sights, the beauty of childhood, and to sit on the floor and play, fabulous!
If you are “most moms” don’t feel bad. Sometimes you can do just what you can do. Stop thinking you can do more and have more and be more. Just be you! If it’s cereal fine. If it’s bedtime without a bath (after several days) fine.
Think of the 80/20 rule. If 80% of the time you do soups, granola, meatloaf dinners. If 80% of the time you take your kids to the park, the library, the craft events then be satisfied. MAKE yourself content with it, choose contentment with imperfection. Normal imperfection with limitations on time, energy and resources. Stop when you need to stop and just enjoy being mom. Yes, sometimes even in the screaming and crying. 🙂
Don’t be fearful of those other moms who have smiling polite children while yours scream at you and lay on the floor kicking because they don’t want to leave storytime. Don’t fear, don’t let MOTHERHOOD intimidate you. It’s OK!
They don’t have it all together. It just
And honestly, even if they do have it together, so what? That’s their life, not yours. That’s their children, not yours. That’s their mindset, not yours (even if you want it to be!). Don’t give allowance for feeling sorry for yourself.
You have your own uniqueness and your family is unique. Quirky, but all yours. You don’t have to have family meetings or family nights or Pizza Fridays or Taco Tuesdays. You must find your own groove and many times it’s just you experimenting with what you like and want to do. It takes time to find your groove but you won’t ever find it if you are always looking around at others, judging yourself.
Just relax mom. Life is going on, are you going to jump in or just watch?